A Note To Those Who Consider me a Good Lad

April 17, 2021April 17, 2021Jamil Ahmed Azad Leave a comment

I want to apologise to a man. A man who is more than a million world to to me. A man who braved anything and everything to cater to my needs and wishes. Do you know what it means to render extra ordinary means when you yourself reeling under a very ordinary state of being. That kind brave man has quintessentially been at his best. Yesterday, I was over a phone call with him. I got irritated when he said, “Babu, awaaz nh aa rahi hai”. We have not talked in years. Our communication never lasted a minute. I teach language and communication – a subject I fail drastically to excercise in my own life. What did I to enhance and expand our communication. Nothing. What mad rush am I in? I could not even take care of him. I just feel that I Iove him and live for him. I owe this life to him.Wait! Did I ever bother if he feel loved? Did I ever interrogate myself if I transacted my feelings to him? In bits and pieces I might have done a tiny number of things. Any son would do that. It does not make me a good son. An exemplary son.
When I was young. Everyday, I would massage his body, his head. Am I too grown up to do this now? When I go home in holidays, one of my favourite passtime is to see him sleeping on his bed. It confers smile on my face. It feels so festive at such sight.
Anybody reading this note should curse me. Curse me for my preoccupation with the trifles of this decaying mortal world. Most importantly for the fact that I could not say him once, ” Abba, I love you. And I can do anything for you”.
You are mistaken if you think I am good at langauges. A man who fails to excercise the language of love is no man at all. Do not consider me a man. I am really not. Those of you who have known me for years,must have heared from me talking about wisdom. Well, I am the one with the least quantum of wisdom. I don’t even make feel people loved and cared when the God of the Earth and sky knows that I do. So tell me when I became wiser. What I thought was best for him brought the worst. May be it is me who robbed him off his instinct and power to be assertive as he has always been before I took the charge to paddle the canoe. You don’t how slayed and skinned off it feels to realise that I became his downfall. That I brought a man of rock to nothing.
Should you not invoke the Heaven to curse me?
©® jeyforyou

An Unconventional

April 8, 2021February 6, 2024Jamil Ahmed Azad Leave a comment

He will not bring a crimsoned rose.
He will not throw the red tainted petals in the air.
He may not send love emojis on texts.
He may not hurl flying kisses.
He loves in such strange and inorganic ways.

A love well expressed is not unflattered love.

A Viral Vacation

March 16, 2021Jamil Ahmed Azad Leave a comment

What Shall I call This Piece?

December 31, 2020December 31, 2020Jamil Ahmed Azad Leave a comment

This last day of the catastrophic calendar kept me so very occupied. So very much. My two days old cherished wish of writing a conclusive piece seems to be realised. There is no space left from the well meditated thoughts . There are fury and fear all over. Ash like mournings do not cease to escape from the cracks of walls. Hope almost fainted. Almost. This is nine forty of the night. I am sitting on mom’s antiquated bed. A proud possesion of her.

Many a times, I thought of discarding the old wooden frame. This thought has always been revolting to her . I think I am digressing. By now you must have understood I am at home with my mom by my side. And a handsome old figure is sleeping right over there. I hear people saying this year has been so full of learning.

But guess what I learnt? Nothing. See what I feel. Learning is easy. Very easy. Unlearning is difficult. Those of you who have been with me I think, they know very well complications excite me. That’s the only outlet wherefrom I draw my narcissistic pleasure. So I chose unlearning. Eversince the pandemic hit and the unthoughtful lockdown was imposed upon us, I only chose to unlearn. In the due course of time I happened to devour books , newspapers and magazines like never before. But believe me it was never the intent to learn anything.

There are images that moved me. The exodus of migrant labours. And wait. Why migrant? Educated folks extensively used the word ‘migrant’. You tell me how on God’s green Earth(once it used to be)peple on their own turf could be called migrants? Anyways, no debate do I intend to broach here.

The year wreaked havocs on commoners like never before. Guess who benefitted the most? May be some of you have the same thing in mind what I actually mean. I often taught kids, ‘Tomorrow is not promised to us’. So nothing is certain here. Nothing. I was not shocked to see this. I am still not. Let’s not talk about what the year took away from us. It will only make you grieve. There is no solace in grieving. And who is not robbed here?

It is 10.23 P.M. Some more than hundred minutes are left to leave this year for ever. The long waited tomorrow is so near. The whole world is waiting to usher in a new time expecting it to be the antithetical to the parting one. Do you think tomorrow is ever gonna come?I know it is getting lengthier and losing the precision. So I leave it to you with my resolution. I am gonna make a habit that no habit shall be followed any more.

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